Weekend again. You know what that means? Forced fun with the squad! This time: Paintball and Go-Karting. Because nothing screams “team bonding” like bruises and whiplash.
Now, I only signed up for Paintball, because spoiler alert: I’m not Elon Musk and both activities cost more than my will to live by Sunday night. So we summoned an Uber—straight to the middle of absolutely nowhere. Like, „if you hear banjos, run“-kind of nowhere. Even the Uber driver looked suspicious. His GPS had a meltdown, took us around in circles twice, then onto countryside roads that screamed “turn around, idiot!”
When we finally arrived, our driver just… drove off into a field. No joke. Straight up went GTA mode. No road, no path—just crop chaos. If he disappeared forever, I’d believe it.
Next to our paintball arena? A horse ranch. But screw horses, we had battles to win. Big shoutout to Fanlai, our MVP who wrestled with the Spanish paperwork using Google Translate like a damn UN translator. And then—war.
Paintball was a blast. And by blast, I mean it was hella hot. The sun grilled us harder than the paintballs did. Under the uniform I was sweating like a chicken nugget in a sauna. Not in a sexy way. In a “my clothes are clinging to my soul” kind of way.
But guess what? My team lost. BUT. I had the most kills. AND the most complaints. Apparently, the other team’s walking around looking like a bag of rotten blueberries. What can I say? I inherited my aim from my mother. A woman who never missed when throwing shoes across the living room.
After that adrenaline-fueled shootout? I was DONE. Uber’d home again—except this driver thought he was in Fast & Furious 12: Uber Drift. Nearly yeeted us into a roundabout portal to Narnia. But hey, I survived. I’m writing this, aren’t I?
Once home, I had zero energy left. Shower? Please. I barely managed to change, refill my water bottle, shut off the lights, and collapse like a used piñata. I even went to bed early. A true war hero’s ending.
Moral of the story?
Don’t mess with someone who plays Paintball like a sniper with unresolved childhood trauma and something to prove.
xoxo Gossip Girl
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