What I love about research is the satisfaction it gives me. I wondered where this satisfaction comes from, and I found out that I find great pleasure in exploring new things. As a child, Indiana Jones was my idol, and I guess he still is.
Although I am not afriad of snakes, I seldomly find pleasure in physical adventure. Instead, my pleasure is delivered by the moment I realize something I did not read by anyone else before, ie. is new to me. Of course, shortly after that I will feel afraid that I might not be the only/first one having this idea. So the next step of my „excercise“ is putting all my energy in finding out how new my idea is. This is often successful, since I trained myself to create very messy ideas with a lot of intertwined thoughts. Thus, research often proves I really am the first having precisely this bundle of woozy thoughts. This of course, leaves me in my dim hut in a shining glory.
Now, if someone comes, I might tell him or her about my newly discovered treasure. Of course, I am willed to prove I am the only person who found all this out: so, I gladly tell about other people’s views and what their ideas lack and what makes my idea so unique etc pp.
If this person whom I told this now begins to criticize my thoughts, I am usually silently listening. After having heard what my idea is missing, I am often discouraged to re-check and re-think again. I feel miserable and very likely, I will bury my treasure somewhere in my mind to forget it.
I wondered why, and now I know: conversation about research is not giving me the satisfaction I need. I am happy on my treasure island, and people from outside my internal war cannot interfere. If I was the one critcizing myself, it would be more bearable.
This annoys me, since I know it is crucial to let others be part of one’s research, to learn how to fight and also to learn that the idea I came up with might be new and unique, but useless and/or too hard to understand for the public.
I like teamwork, though. Think tanks are just not my area, nor are publications with more than one author. I definately need to find another way for satisfaction. Is wakeboarding a true alternative?